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Matatus Will Be The Death Of Me

The drama and the chaos in public transportation

BY Pauline Katethya

Feb 12, 2021, 01:07 PM

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Have you ever woken up scared that you missed your alarm and now you’ll get late for work because you overslept? That’s what happened to me the other day. No I didn’t miss my alarm. I woke up after taking a nap in the bus, and I couldn’t tell where I was. I thought maybe it was a hostage situation, but luckily no one had a gun and everyone seemed relaxed. The driver had taken those short routes that take you like two hours to get home.

Here are some of the things that happen in matatus that are just too much to take in.

Conductors Confusing You With Math Problems 

I get a severe headache, once the conductor starts collecting bus fare. And it’s not just because I’m not good at math, it’s because of the way they confuse you. "Ukona mbao nikupe 30, haiya nipee 50 nikupee soo." Like what is it exactly that we are doing here? Why can’t you just give me the exact change? It’s even worse when you have to share the change with five other people. "Pea huyu ashu, huyu mbao, huyu 30 na huyu soo." And just like that, he will vanish and you will later find out that he gave you less money.

Someone Is Always Trying To Kill You 

What is it that women carry in those handbags? If you have never been hit with such a bag that almost left you dead, then you haven’t had a real matatu experience. If it’s not a bag, it’s someone huge stepping on your toes. Another poking you as they try to get hold of the conductor, or them trying to alight with you, yet it’s not your stop. 

Hygiene Issues 

Is it just me or do people smell way too much in matatus? Someone will use their finger to clean their nose. The other will have a smelly breath or smelly shoes. Something is always smelling. Another’s hair will smell as if it was getting prepared for a burnt offering. And have you ever entered a matatu and it's a cocktail of some weird perfume and Omena? It’s not the global warming destroying the earth guys, it’s these smells. 

Drama Drama Drama

There will always be a drunk person who doesn’t know where he is going to or what he is doing in the matatu. The last time he checked he was at the locals taking his keg. A woman will insist she was told the fare was sh 50 and cannot add an extra sh 20 and its better off if she just walked to town. Someone will play bad music from their phone that will make your ears bleed. Another will fall asleep, snore and even drool. And when you think you’ve had It all, a man will scream crying for help because his phone has been stolen, and people will just look at him and continue cleaning their nose using their fingers or go back to sleep. 

You Will Burn in Hell

I have nothing against preachers. Nothing against all those who spread the gospel of the Almighty Lord, but do we have to be reminded we will burn in the eternal fire because we are a wicked generation that has turned their back against the Lord Jesus? And because we have refused to give offerings to the preacher? I think we honestly need a little break.

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