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Why You Should Not Give Him Money

Because you really value yourself and the relationship

BY Agnes Amondi

May 09, 2023, 03:33 PM

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Money is a tetchy subject; whether you are at work trying to get a salary raise, or at home sharing financial responsibilities or in relationships. Despite that, you must spare time with your partner and talk about money. 

You need to have an understanding of how both of you handle it. At the same time, you also need to have your own values and principles. In the current dispensation, it is common for us to be financially stable and the man you end up dating might expect this.

This has led to an entire debate about our financial responsibility in relationships and more to that, whether we should dig into our pockets to give our men some financial boost. 

Should you ever give your man money? We are of the opinion that you should not do it. Here’s why.

He May Be Dependent On You.

There’s nothing wrong with giving financial help to someone you like or love. The problem in this particular dynamic is that you are legitimising his need for borrowing.

He might promise that he is ashamed of doing it and it’s never going to happen but because you budged in once, he will always have a story to match his requests. 

Some of them promise to refund you but this never ends well. By the time you realise it, you will have devoted your hard-earned resources to him. 

It Blurs Your Judgement.

Money sways our psychological, emotional and logical approach to things. To the receiver, it creates an obligation and to the giver, it might change your perspective about your partner

You end up walking on eggshells around this person because you don’t want to stir up a conflict.

You confuse all of this with love. Instead of calling him out for being dependent, you feed his behaviour. 

You believe that the more you give the more he will love you. You say that you are doing this for your future and discount all other misgivings as you wait for him to also rise up to your level.

Unfortunately, this rarely works especially if it’s the type of man who just wants easy money. 

You Emasculate Him.

One of the things that your man wants to do is to provide for you because this asserts his position in your relationship.

A well-intentioned man will not sit back and have you finance his life. If you are with this kind of man, giving him money will make him question his role in the relationship. 

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t contribute but if you are always opening up your purse to send him money for everything, it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.

Desperation Vibes.

We’ve heard stories of women who helped a man to pay for her dowry and even bought wedding rings. This behaviour reeks of desperation and a lack of self-worth.

If a man cannot put up with the demands of a relationship when you are dating, he will also not be able to carry the weight of marriage. You taking care of all of this shows that you are trying too hard to keep a man that is not ready or if he is ready for a relationship, he doesn’t want it with you. 

He Is Not Your Responsibility.

Dear sis, please, stop playing wife. You are dating him. He is not your husband and thus, he should take care of his bills just as much as you are taking care of yours. If he is in a financial mess, he needs to find other ways of solving the issue. 

PS: That should be a warning sign for you. Perhaps he lacks financial discipline.