Post main image
Photo by


Why You Should Not Confront A Cheater

How to navigate infidelity.

BY Beryl Karimi-La Patrona

Jan 17, 2023, 10:24 AM

Photo by

Infidelity is a problem for most people in relationships. It is probably one of the biggest sources of relationship struggles and you have to wonder why we haven't learned how to deal with it in better ways.

We go to radio shows to ask for advice while gasping for breath in between the tears. With the emergence of the internet, women have moved to ask for advice from social media influencers albeit anonymously to solve the cheating scandals that plague most of the world's population.

I do not know if men and women will ever stop cheating on each other, but I know that we could deal with being cheated on better. 

Cheating, unlike COVID-19, does not need new scientific inventions and lockdowns to help solve. It is a regular fact of life that needs to be tackled with objectivity and a willingness to let go of things that are hurtful to us.

Life does not come with a manual but here are the things you need to internalize about confronting a cheating partner and how to deal with the inescapable eventualities. 

He Will Lie

No man has ever admitted to cheating even when caught red-handed. They will tell you that you are confused and insecure and that you do not have a complete picture of what was happening even if you catch him in bed with another woman.

When people get cheated on the first thing they do is ask the cheating partner if they are cheating on them. It is as if their admission will make it more believable than it already is. The sad reality is that cheaters have learned that denying is the first actionable response to being accused of cheating. 

The moment you understand that men are bound to lie about cheating, you realize there's no point in confronting them. All you have to do is use the facts you have at hand to make decisions that are in your best interest. 

He Will Manipulate You Into Staying

Manipulation is usually the second line of defence in the cheaters' manual when they realise that they cannot sway you with lies.

When you confront them they break into tears. They blame the devil for leading them into temptation and before you absorb the absurdity of that, they blame the woman they cheated on you with for seducing them.

They claim they were weak and will never happen again, even though it always does. Again, the best way to deal with this is by accepting that this person cheated on you and that by cheating they declared that they do not love you.

Once you accept that, you finally understand that confronting them instead of dumping them only leaves you vulnerable to more hurt. 

He Will Gaslight You Into Thinking It Was Your Fault

This is usually the last line of defence in the cheating manual for all cheaters. Once the lies and manipulation fail to work, they heap the whole blame on you to guilt trip you into staying. 

They blame you for putting on too much weight as if you didn't have a baby just a month ago or for working too much as if you do not need the money you bring to run the house with ease. 

They then accuse you of not cooking for them to defend their move to sleep with the help. Before you know it, you are left re-evaluating yourself for the things you did or didn't do as if it is your fault for being entangled with a partner who could not communicate when he felt that the relationship was not working for him.

To navigate this you must know that cheating is never your fault. It is a conscious decision people make and one they are usually so afraid of taking responsibility for.

This is to say that you do not need to confront a cheating partner. You just need to tell them that they cheated and you are walking away.

The explanations they usually give only work to serve them; that isn't the sort of thing you need unless you are out to get hurt further.