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Uncomfortable Truths About Friendships

Friends will break your heart

BY Pauline Katethya

Mar 03, 2023, 10:04 AM

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Friendships are an important part of our lives. We meet people in random places who later become treasures in our lives. These are the people we cry and laugh with. The people we know we can call in the middle of the night when we are having a breakdown. They become an anchor in our lives. The support system we never thought we needed. 

However, like any other romantic relationship, friendships aren’t always a walk in the park. Because we are always changing and evolving, the nature of friendships changes too. There are times when the people who brought us much joy will hurt us or times when things will feel different. Friendships can be beautiful but also painful, here’s why;

Friends Will Break Your Heart.

I don’t know about you but friendship breakups hurt as much as romantic relationships. This is because, they require vulnerability, depth, honesty, trust, and sharing parts of yourself with someone else. Friendships penetrate the core of who we are and shine light in the darkest parts, the parts we don’t love or usually run away from. Often, they make us see who we are. 

When a friendship is tight like this, you’ll pour yourself into someone, and share your secrets, problems, desires, and much more. But like everything else in life, sometimes these bonds will break and you will be forced to close doors and say goodbye to the people you love. This might be because life has pushed us in different directions or because we no longer vibrate at the same frequency. If this happens, let go gracefully, without any resentment. 

Sometimes, Your Friends Won’t Be There For You. 

There are many expectations we put around people. We expect them to be our world and our everything. As Esther Perel says, what we once expected from a community, we are looking for it in one person, and it’s hard for one person to be everything you want and need

This pressure has trickled into friendships where we also expect our friends to be our world and be there for us whenever we need them. Unfortunately, there are times they won’t have the emotional, mental, physical, or financial capacity to be there for us. 

This doesn’t mean they are not good friends. It means they are human and sometimes they are also going through a hard time. This is why we need to be gentle and extend grace in friendships instead of being harsh or cutting people off immediately. 

It’s Okay To Be Selfish And Say No To Your Friends.

And while there are times we won’t have the capacity to be there for our friends because of things out of our control, we are also allowed to say no to things in our control. It’s okay not to tag along with your friends to a party or a wedding maybe because of finances or other reasons. 

It can be hard to set boundaries in friendships because we don’t want them to think ill of us. But it’s okay to say, I’m sorry but I feel overwhelmed I need time to recharge or I’m sorry but I’m taking the weekend to spend time by myself. This doesn’t mean that you are selfish. We also need space in our friendships, to breathe and to be ourselves too. 

Your Friends Are Allowed Not To Confide In You.

Sometimes we think just because we are close, our friends are entitled to tell us everything, We think they should always tell us nothing but the truth, but the bitter truth is that at times your friends won’t talk to you about certain things

It’s not because they don’t trust you but maybe because a certain situation needed depth and insight you couldn’t provide or they didn’t want to burden you with other things. Or maybe, they needed time to process things before opening up. 

It’s important to know how and when to be there for our friends. Some people need distance and others need you to be closer. If someone asks for space or they are going through something they can’t talk about, it’s important to let them be and extend grace, support, and love as we need to.