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RELATIONSHIPS

Things You Need To Know Before You Date An Older Man

And why you should not do it.

BY Beryl Karimi-La Patrona

Jan 23, 2023, 02:00 PM

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There are a lot of mistakes we women make in our early 20s and the top of the list is dating older men. By older men, I mean men who are ten years older than us and more.

Cross-generational dating is a product of sexism and patriarchy. It is a normality born out of the sexist belief that women mature faster than boys when it was just an excuse to justify child marriages.

They say that women mature faster and we believe them but weirdly enough women are only ever mature for sex and marriage. They are never and have never been mature enough for managerial positions at work, or for political seats in parliament. When it gets to the meaningful things in life, our male counterparts suddenly become the better options and that is why you should never believe anyone who says girls grow up faster than boys. 

Here is why dating significantly older men when you are in your early 20s is bad for you. 

The Power Dynamics Are Sketchy 

Age comes with experience, education, connections, and money. When all those things are combined they translate into power and that is not something any person in their early 20s whether they are a man or a woman possesses.

Most girls in their early 20s are in school trying to get through their undergraduate program. They are not working and neither are they financially stable in any sense. Most of the time they are just children depending on their parents for sustenance. 

Dating an older man who has the world on his feet when you are at that age opens you up to a relationship with a power imbalance that is skewed against you. They will most likely abuse you, manipulate you, and you won't know it because there are things you can only learn through the experience that comes with growing older.

It Isn't Love They Feel For You, It Is A Fetish

Men have the behavior of fetishizing youth. You listen to their conversations on the internet and their idea of women is simply centred around them having tight vaginas and firm breasts and they go for young women specifically for this.

If you are going to be in love with someone, you want them to appreciate you for who you are and not what you are at a particular age that will not always remain constant.

If you are going to be in a relationship with someone, you have to make sure it is with someone who sees you as a whole human being worthy of love and not just a fetishized object reduced to mere body parts. 

Your Brain Is Not Fully Developed

The human brain's frontal cortex (the reasoning centre) only matures once you hit the age of 25. That makes you prone to making impulsive decisions as you are not mature enough and it also makes you a person who is vulnerable to manipulation as you know older men can be quite manipulative and controlling. 

You Will Miss Out On The Experience Of Being Young

This is the saddest thing about being involved with a person who is way older than you. It happens because they come from a different generation, which means your life idea differs from theirs.

While you will be interested in partying the night away, he will be too old to do that and you will be forced to stay in while your friends are out there living their best lives. This is especially not okay because the man you are with had the time to enjoy his youth without any distractions when he was your age.

Other than that, you will constantly have to explain memes to him and even the music you listen to will not be relatable to him. The language you communicate with will also be a problem because when people come from two different generations, their loved experiences are as different.

Read More: You Are Worthy: Love And Other Lessons