It gets hard to calm the noises. The demons trying to build a home there. Even when I’m in a matatu, my mind will be on a Yamaha kinda sports bike, zooming past a million things. What if someone seats next to me and they have luggage and when it’s time for me to alight, the matatu just races away? What if it’s a drunkard? And he sleeps and forces me to step on his back, and then wakes up in the middle of it and think I am trying to get some action?

And the man lying on the street? Does he have a family? Does he make any money? And what the hell is that dude wearing? Who freaking wears such an ugly sweater on a Monday morning? Are Mondays that bad? And speaking of sweaters, did I carry mine? An umbrella? Is my panty line showing? Are my boobs in place? And I hope that street kid isn’t carrying poop, because I can’t go through this again.

And the thoughts go on and on until the cows come home. 

Are you like me? Do you think all the time? Is your mind always racing? Is it like grains of sand scattered everywhere? Thinking about everything and nothing? Do you get anxiety? Feel as if you are running out of breath or can’t sleep at night because your mind is off the edge? I feel you. 

Overthinking drains you. A lot. You are always dissecting thoughts into a million others. We pay too much attention to details and give a damn about what we are not supposed to give a damn about. This can be very unhealthy, but it’s working on yourself and the thoughts that matter. 

If you have an over-thinker in your life, don’t tell them they think too much. Try and understand where their fears and insecurities are coming from. Try to provide assurance on the issue they are stressing about. Don’t tell them that they are too dramatic or paranoid. This will get into their head and make them think more about what you just told them. 

I have met people who have considered me weak, because of the way I worry about stuff. I think this is a weakness and someone should not use it against me. As much as it is work in progress, you cannot wake up one morning and you have stopped overthinking. 

The major causes of overthinking are majorly linked to trauma, stress, anxiety or depression. Some say it’s a choice you make for yourself but I feel if it was I wouldn’t have chosen it. It’s like being a perfectionist. But that doesn’t justify everything.

In relationships, you think of the worst scenarios. If something bad happened in the past, you think it will happen again. Like life will keep following a certain pattern. A pattern of hurt, rejection, sorrow. You think they will always leave like the others did. And this sometimes affects your self-esteem. You always think you are not good enough. And if something happens you think it was your fault. 

This is one of the battles we struggle with as humans, as over thinkers. The masks we wear. Most times we want to be safe, to live life as black and white, but the beauty of the ugly side of it is that there is never an assurance. Never a guarantee with life. we want to be in control, for things to work our way, but what is it that we can control in life? Pee maybe?

The mind can be a dangerous place, it can make you spiral downwards, help you forget to live in the present, to cherish the moments and appreciate the beauty of life. I hope it gets better for you. And for me. Let’s keep sewing the stitches, one at a time. And work on healthy thinking.

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