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The Second Letter To My Sisters

Love: The trick to surviving love is not to fall for it

BY Pauline Katethya

Feb 26, 2021, 06:06 PM

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Yeah, I know you are probably wondering how many letters I’m gonna write you. Don’t worry, I’m not here to command you to wash the dishes or feed the chicken. I’m here to talk about men and relationships. It’s not like I’m experienced in that area or something. I only know three things about men, they love football, women and forgetting things. And one day, you will love one. You will fall head over heels with someone, and they will break your heart. Your heart will break so many times, you will wonder how it continues beating. But luckily, the endings won’t end you.

These are things I wish someone told me earlier, but you are lucky I’m here. They might not make sense right now, but someday they will. 

You Are Enough

Some relationships will make you question your worth. You will give your all, but it won’t be enough. You will make water from scratch, starve for their love to eat, but still, it won’t be enough. This will tear you apart. You will feel inadequate. You will want to do more, give more, fix things and save the situation, but they’ll walk away. 

Endings are painful. When this happens, don’t blame yourself. You did everything you could to keep things going. Don’t think you were the problem. Sometimes people’s decisions have everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. You trusted someone with your heart, body and soul, but they were careless with you. 

You are enough. You are beautiful. You are strong. Don’t walk with your head bent down because someone walked away. A man’s inability to love you doesn’t make you less of a woman. You are worth more.  

Don’t Wait For Someone To Be Ready

You will love a man, but you guys won’t be on the same page. You will want to be in a relationship but he won’t be ready. If someone tells you this, please believe them. Don’t think you can change their mind. It’s already made up. Don’t think they will see you. They won’t. They’ll keep you around because of the benefits. You will give and give until you have nothing left to give. You will be empty and drained. Please don’t allow yourself to go through this. Go to places where you are welcomed. And reciprocate what is being reciprocated. But don’t bend yourself for love or break yourself as you try to build someone else. 

Love Is Never Enough 

Don’t get into a relationship because of love. Let love be a by product of the relationship. We talk about love as if it’s life-changing. A cure to life’s problems. We think love is big, but it’s small. Love is everything they said it wasn’t. Love is not scarce. Love is not special or unique. 

There’s more to a relationship than love. There’s respect, trust, affection and so much more. So someone loving you isn’t something that should make the world stop spinning. 

People Are Selfish 

It is a cold world. You will meet men who are not interested in you. Men who want to smash and run. Men who are out to satisfy their selfish interests. Be careful. Protect your heart, your mind, and your well-being. Know what works for you and what doesn’t. Set boundaries. Cut ties if need be.

There are monsters out here. You will lie in their bed and you won’t realize it until it’s too late. They will leave you broken, damaged, and hurting. Don’t go out there screaming men are trash. We live, we learn. We make mistakes we learn. So be careful who you let in your life. Sometimes people are not who they say they are. Everything is not how it looks like. 

Stay True To Who You Are 

You are a work of art and some men will be threatened by your confidence. Your voice. Your strength. They will want to dim your light, to make theirs shine brighter. They will want to make you feel small and force you to come down and meet them at their level. Please don’t do this. Don’t throw away pieces of yourself because you want to fit into someone’s hands. Don’t stash your crown because it’s heavy for a man to carry. The right man won’t complain about your weight. They won’t be threatened by you. They will let you shine. So learn how to meet at the middle because what’s the point of having someone if they don’t add value to your life and vice versa?

Read: Why Women Need To Manspread