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Marriage Does Not Come Wrapped Up In Certainty

You can never own a person.

BY Beryl Karimi-La Patrona

Feb 23, 2023, 10:30 AM

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People get married for a lot of reasons. It is often propositioned as an act of love but if love was that powerful why do we still need to involve state apparatus to be together? Why can't we just exist?

Your guess is as good as mine. Love is not the only reason why people get married. It is just part of the bigger picture, and at most, just a genuine motivating factor when deciding on a life-changing event of one's life. Nothing more. 

One of the reasons why people get married is commitment. It is the one thing that proves someone belongs to you but then again how true is that? Can people belong to us? Or is it a lie we tell ourselves because we imagine a piece of paper is enough to make us feel secure in our relationships? Is it commitment? Or are we usually just seeking security and the illusion of it?

I find that people do it for security and I wish we understood that marriage is not enough to make you own a person and neither is it enough to make them do what you want. They are ultimately their people and you can do nothing about it. 

Here is why you should never rush into marriage thinking it will tie a person to you. 

Marriage Can Be Terminated With Ease. 

Divorce is at an all-time high and tells you that you can never have forever with someone unless they choose to be with you. 

If they do not want you, the courts are always ready to hand them a divorce on a silver platter; there is nothing you can do to change that.

What you can change is your belief that convinces you that marriage is enough to tie a man down to you forever. It isn't. 

Vows Can Be Broken In a Blink Of An Eye. 

People go to the altar in front of God and a congregation and make promises to each other.

*In sickness and in health, till death do us part, to trust and to obey, to honour and to love"

All those words sound beautiful on the surface. They are the commitment we all want from each other and the commitment most of us never live up to. 

You marry someone thinking he will stay with you in sickness and in health and one day he wakes up and leaves because you just got diagnosed with cancer. 

Vows are just a ritual and one that does not mean anything much when it's faced by a person who doesn't love the other. 

There will always be broken vows where there's no love, and nothing can protect you from that. Not even a marriage with all the sacredness it's supposed to come with.

Marriage Does Not Stop A Person From Loving Other People.

This is the hardest part to hear because the Bible tells us two become one when they choose to get married. 

That is a lie. An illusion meant to make you feel good and special. Even after marriage, people remain two different entities with different beliefs, different visions, different desires, and with different wants and needs. 

You may think a marriage will give you the certainty of knowing he will never leave you for anyone else or cheat and that is never the case. 

One day you meet someone and you'll leave your husband for him or one day he meets a younger woman like men always do and he cheats on you with her. Sometimes people even cheat to sustain marriages because if they weren't getting what you can't give them outside there, they would have to leave you to find it.

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