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How To Have The Perfect One Night Stand

Making it pleasurable rather than regrettable

BY Joan Thatiah

May 26, 2021, 11:32 AM

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Maybe you're lonely, maybe you just came out of a long-term relationship or maybe you just want to get some - there are lots of reasons women have one night stands. But, how can you make sure it's pleasurable and not regrettable?

Whether it's planned, a lifestyle choice or just an unplanned night of fun after meeting a tall glass of water who's fun but not boyfriend material, the good news is that casual sex is no longer a taboo and you won’t need to sneak out at dawn. 

The bad news is that a one night stand can go one of two ways. It can turn out to be a fun night or, one of those bad nights you wish you could undo. Here are ways you can ensure the former.

Readjust your expectations

Romance books and movies have romanticized the one night stand. Whenever it’s mentioned you imagine the intense, passionate encounters seen on screen. On the ground, things might be a little lacklustre. So, manage your expectations beforehand. It can be great but it will not be like in the movies. Is anything?

Choose your playmate wisely

Just because it is a fleeting experience which lasts only for a few hours doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pay attention to who you have a one night stand with. It is a bad idea, for instance, to give in to a night of passion with someone who has romantic feelings towards you or a male friend whose friendship you treasure. Sex has a way of ruining friendships.

Remember it's sex, not hypnosis

You know how they say that to get over somebody you need to get under somebody else? Well, when it comes to the one night stand, it’s not true. Don’t jump into bed with a stranger hoping that you will have changed in the morning or that you will have forgotten all about your ex. Moving on from someone is a process. If you want to have fun then by all means, but don't think it will erase him from your mind.

Have it sober

Having a few drinks to take off the edge can seem like a good idea, but it isn’t. Whether it is with a man you just met or a man you know but don't want to date, keep it sober. Alcohol impedes not only on your ability to consent to sex but also on your ability to make sound decisions. You do not want to wake up next to a man you would never be caught crossing the street with sober wondering how to make an exit.

Stay safe

We can’t talk about casual sexual relations without talking about safety. Most people hooking up know the importance of using a condom. However, it's physical safety that’s often overlooked. His home might seem like a good idea because it’s away from your personal space but actually, your home is a better idea because it is safer, you'll be more comfortable and family and friends will know where to find you.

Be clear about your intentions

A one night stand is no different from any other interaction, you need to be clear about your intentions. Time is a valuable asset, don’t waste your own or his. Don’t lead on a man who thinks that bedding you is a step closer to a clean home, cooked meals and a houseful of children. On the flip side, if you are looking for something more than random play, say it. Don’t pursue a one night stand while secretly hoping that once he has a good time with you he will want to give you his last name. Be honest with yourself.

Ditch the guilt

Every woman dreads the walk of shame, but your one-night stand doesn’t need to end this way. You may have been conditioned to accept that sex is meant to happen only in the confines of marriage and so may feel some guilt about your behaviour. You should not.

Read: The real reason you can't orgasm