Post main image
Photo by

RELATIONSHIPS

Don’t Wait To Have Your Babies

You’ll never have your ducks in a row

BY Joan Thatiah

Feb 15, 2021, 10:42 AM

Photo by

I was unprepared when I had my firstborn. I was 19, broke, a fresher on campus, and with little information on parenting. I thought it would be easier the second time around seeing as I was ten years older, married, and with a little more cash to spend.

I was wrong. With a difficult pregnancy and colicky infant, it was one hell of a ride. The lesson I took home with my baby is that there isn’t just one way to prepare for motherhood or one right time to have a baby. 

The List Will Keep Growing

Ask a young, childless woman in Nairobi why she hasn’t had a child and she will tell you about how she is waiting to get her money right. How she wants to get promoted at work, buy a big family car and a house with a back yard before she can pop.

Babies cost money and it’s great to have a plan. Truth is, no matter how well you plan, you will never have your finances exactly where you want them. There will always be setbacks and other things you will want to buy before you can feel ready.

God Has A Sense Of Humor

Many of us seem to be reading from the same script. Your 20s are when you get drunk, have a string of bad boyfriends, and paint the town red. Your 30s are when you get serious when you begin getting recognition at work, when you finally get lucky in love and when you have your babies.

If you are on the other side of 25, you already know that God has a sense of humor. You will think you have everything planned but the opposite will happen. You will get to 30 and there will be no half-decent man in sight. You will have worked long and hard at your job and then, right at the time you begin to think about having babies, your boss will decide that the young graduate who left college a year ago has fresher ideas.

It Will Slow Down Your Career

Whether you have your baby at the beginning of your career or its peak, motherhood will slow you down. That’s an unpleasant truth. It’s a biological disadvantage of being a woman. So, don’t stall motherhood because you are worried about your career.

There are ways around this disadvantage.  If your partner is involved and is not one of those Kenyan men who refer to parenting as babysitting, it can be manageable. Also, if you hire help so that you can delegate some aspects of both your professional and personal life, you can have both a thriving career and happy tots.

Don’t listen to those women telling you that the only way to be a good mother is to stay home with your children or to kill yourself with stress trying to keep your career and do all the housework. If you can afford a nanny or two, hire them.

When You Want To Have A Child

The truth is there are pros and cons to having a child when you are young, optimistic, and full of energy to run around with them just as there are to having them when you are older, wiser, and with a richer bank balance.

It’s a waste of time waiting to tick off all the things on your list before you have a baby because your list will keep growing. It will be like waiting for Godot. If all our parents waited until they had a car or they owned a home before they had children, God knows how many of us wouldn’t have been born.

If you are in a good place emotionally and can’t get that pitter-patter of little feet on your floors out of your head, now is as good a time as ever.

Read: When Your Thoughts Don't Rest