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Don’t Know If You Want To Be A Mother?

What you can do about it.

BY Agnes Amondi

May 10, 2023, 11:54 AM

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It is becoming increasingly acceptable to admit that you don’t desire motherhood. In fact, some mothers argue that motherhood is not as pleasant and exciting as it is portrayed to be. Some are brave enough to confess that they regret it but there are those who are thankful for the way it has transformed their lives.

Be that as it may, some of these opinions might strengthen the resolve of those who aren’t keen to have babies while at the same time, confusing those who aren’t sure.

Are there women who are meant to be mothers? How do I know if I want to be one? Is it normal if I am uncertain about being one?

Regardless of where you lie, let’s dig in and find answers to these questions.

Your Feelings Are Valid.

There’s a lot of guilt associated with not wanting kids. We are primed to believe that we must have them which is why childless women are frowned upon or your delay to have them is questioned. 

That said, don’t bury these feelings. Instead, admit them, perhaps not to everyone but yourself. Don’t allow people to guilt trip you and when they do, it’s best not to argue with them. 

Find Out Why You Are Feeling This Way.

Once you come to terms with the idea of not wanting motherhood, you need to understand why you are feeling the way you do. Is it because something happened in your childhood that makes you think twice about it?

Are you just scared of the responsibility? Are you being influenced by other people’s opinions which means you aren’t really listening to yourself? 

Our experiences dictate our innermost decisions so don’t ignore this part. You might find out something you never knew existed.

Talk To Someone.

The goal here is not for you to change your mind about motherhood. It is to really explore this world that you do not want to go into to find clarity. You might want to talk to a mother and listen to their journey. 

Let this conversation be as candid as possible and ask all questions that you want. Afterwards, reflect on your convictions and evaluate where you stand.

Take Your Time.

A lot of people will talk to you about your biological clock. However, the last thing you want to do when you are not sure of something is going ahead and doing it. 

Some women say that once upon a time, they were dead sure they never wanted a kid but over time, they changed their minds. 

Now, this is an individual experience but what you can take away from it is that you should not rush into making any decisions.

What Are Your Life Plans?

Childless women are often thought of as being short-sighted as they are only thinking of the now hence their decision. 

That said, you need to have a road map of where you are headed. OK. You don’t want children so what are doing with your life now and how will it look in the future? 

Some women make this decision because they are pursuing something that wouldn’t allow them to be reliable mothers. Take into account what’s ahead of you as your direction can also be a huge determinant. 

This Journey Is Unique To You.

Every single one of your friends might have a child and it might make you feel horrible. You might even disconnect from them because of it. However, you need to realise that your path in life is distinct from everyone else’s. 

Some people arrive at certain points quicker than others and that’s OK. The fact that you are unsure doesn’t mean that you are wrong or something is wrong with you.