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Beware The Self-appointed Nice Guy

Why he is no better than your local politician

BY Joan Thatiah

Mar 10, 2021, 11:01 AM

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I am sure you have encountered him. The guy who says, “you know I’m a nice guy" or ‘I’m one of the good ones’ within minutes of meeting you.

At a glance, you will like him because unlike Brayo from the hood who is always running around with a bunch of women, he seems to always be with one woman at a time. We have all heard stories about the bad boys who behave like they are single even when women are wearing their rings out there, men who leave behind a trail of broken hearts and neglected children. This one is different.

He is the kind that refers to his girlfriend as ‘My woman’ everywhere he goes. You may have envied the women he dates because he pulls chairs, gives you his jacket when it’s cold, and would never catcall a woman. From the outside looking in, he seems like the answer to your prayers. Who wouldn’t want a man who is faithful, and attentive, and romantic?

The Problem With Him

In a dating space where dating has taken the form of midnight texts asking “You up?” and where caring has taken the form of sporadic texts asking, “Have you eaten?” we could all do with a warm and gentle man who courts a woman properly. Unfortunately, the self-appointed guy is not it. In many ways, he is like your local area politician who is an expert at wooing you but changes after the deal is done.

First, just like the politician, he will budge into your life bearing gifts and beautiful promises. He will be as charming as he can get. The problem is nothing coming from him is free. While the politician expects your vote at the end of the campaigns, the ‘nice guy’ expects a reward in the form of complete adoration.

Because he hasn’t cheated, isn’t violent and he picks up the phone every time you call, he feels owed. He wonders why, even though he is the best man that he knows, you aren’t all lighting candles in his honor, he wonders why women aren’t flocking around him trying to win his heart, he wonders why you won’t sleep with him and yet he has treated you better than any of the men you have ever been with.

He might seem like the ointment that will soothe your bruised heart but he isn’t. Other than the fact that he is boring and predictable, this man will be insecure and will have low confidence levels. The saddest part is that he may not even know it. Instead of coming onto a woman he is interested in like a man should, this man masks his fears and insecurity with chivalry and niceness all the while expecting a ‘reward’ at the end of it.

By all means, date the nice guy. Be on high alert, however, if he seems to be constantly seeking attention or approval for good behavior. You don’t want to begin owing him more than you are willing to pay.

Read: Is The Arranged Marriage Such A Bad Idea?