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Are You Stuck In A Situationship?

When it’s more than a friendship but not quite a relationship

BY Joan Thatiah

Apr 15, 2021, 06:18 PM

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My friend was quite miffed the other Saturday when this man she has been seeing and talking about marrying told her that the man that will marry her will be very lucky. It was meant to be a compliment.

This was after she had spent the whole morning scrubbing his jeans and sneakers. She has been doing this every Saturday for almost a year. A whole year, people. There you have it, just because you see him every other day, cook for him, clean up after him and warm his bed doesn’t mean that you are in a relationship with him.

Some things are easy. If it’s a large green poster and if it’s plastered on every wall in the vicinity, it’s Safaricom, right? When it comes to matters of the heart, if you don’t want a man breaking your heart like my friend’s right after you’ve spent months breaking your back for him, you will need to become the type of woman who asks, What are we? And if he has a sense of humor, he will tell you that you’re two fornicators.

So how can you tell whether what you and Brayoh have is a solid relationship or a situationship which just appears like a relationship but isn’t?

He Says It’s Not Serious

The most solid piece of advice I’ve ever heard about love is that when a man says his truth, you should hear it. But we are a funny lot, he will tell you that he is just looking for random play but you will hear that he wants you to prove that you are wife material.

If he says it’s not serious, then it’s not a relationship. It doesn’t matter if he calls you all the time or that he sees you every day or even introduces you to his friends as ‘my mama'.

The Weekend Guy

So it seems like a relationship, he likes spending time with you, you have fun when you are together and he makes you feel warm in your underbelly. The only problem is that you only see him on the weekend. He says he’s too busy to see you during the week. 

Hun, no one is that busy. If you live in the same town and you only see him on the weekend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s seeing other people but he is not committed to you.

No Talk Of The Future

Solid relationships are progressive. If you keep seeing each other, the relationship will naturally progress and there will be talk about the future. Whether it’s planning for next year or for thirty years to come when you are married and retired, planning is part of a relationship.

If your man only lives in the now with you, he may think about his future but he doesn’t see you in it.

The good news is that there will be clear signs that you’re stuck in a situationship. The bad news is that there really isn’t anything you can do to move things along. Lying to him that you’re pregnant or flirting with other men or trying to fall pregnant to get him to commit will end in premium tears.

If you are stuck in a situationship and what you want is something more solid, move along. There’s someone else out there who wants what you want.