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5 Signs You Are In A Toxic Relationship

You are always anxious and sad.

BY Pauline Katethya

Mar 10, 2023, 07:49 AM

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Like many things in life, being in a relationship has never been enough. For one to thrive it needs peace, compatibility, emotional maturity, commitment, sharing of the same values, and more. Most of the time, looks don’t matter but a person's character or personality. 

Someone said, you are as sick as your unresolved wounds, and it's in relationships that you see people’s beauty and ugliness. Healthy relationships bring out the best in you and give you wings to fly but toxic ones rob you of your light, beauty, and authenticity. They drain you and deplete you mentally, spiritually, and physically. 

All thanks to experiences, self-awareness, and therapy now we can spot red flags easily. So, some of the signs of toxic relationships include; 

Physical, Verbal, And Emotional Abuse. 

There are many levels of abuse ranging from physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. While many people claim that physical abuse is more dangerous, all forms of abuse are damaging in their own ways. Physical abuse will scar your body while the others will scar your spirit, mind, and soul. 

Men are protectors, carers, and lovers, and those who hit women are cold and heartless. It’s not your duty to change or fix them but to love and respect yourself enough to know when enough is enough. 

Similarly, any man who raises their voice to a woman or is usually quick to say hurtful words that pierce your soul or make you feel like less of a woman or a man, that man doesn’t give a damn about you. 

We’ve been taught that pain is an ingredient of being loved and often, we tolerate this pain because we hear phrases like no one is perfect and so are relationships but it’s about time we unlearned some things. 


For a long time, I think we suffered from gaslighting in many areas of our lives without knowing what it was. Gaslighting may appear like subtle mean comments but it carries so much weight. People who love gaslighting use terms like, ‘I never said that you are remembering it wrongly, you are very sensitive, you are overthinking again, you are making a big deal out of nothing’ and on and on it goes. 

Gaslighting makes you feel powerless. Often you end up feeling as if something is wrong with them or you are crazy. Men who gaslight their partners, many times are people who don’t want to take accountability for their actions so they shift their blame. 

Unfortunately, this results in trying to please your partner more so they don’t hurt you. This is a form of emotional abuse that can kill you in so many ways.  

Always Anxious And Unhappy.

There are people who are naturally anxious but toxic relationships make things worse. Many times, you feel as if you are on the edge of losing your mind or yourself. These kinds of relationships are always unpredictable, you never know what to expect even when things are calm you can always feel a storm coming.

Toxic relationships are chaotic and tumultuous. There are more bad moments than good ones, you can’t remember the last time you were happy. And if something good happens you hold on tightly to that. You walk on eggshells afraid to annoy your partner. The abusive partner withholds everything that should water you.

This is why toxic relationships have great sex because, at that moment, your partner is giving you everything they have been withholding from you. You have been starving, and they are suddenly opening the floodgates of heaven but once they fix your high, they go missing again. 


As a society, we have been used to infidelity until it’s no longer a big deal. We are used to people in healthy or toxic relationships cheating. And often when men cheat, we don’t think that's their fault. We think we are either not satisfying them or we are not good enough for them. Rarely do we think it’s the man’s problem. 

A man staying faithful to their partner is a choice. A right man who has morals, and values, and knows they cannot disrespect their partner spiritually, emotionally, or physically. They know they are committed to one woman and it’s their duty to maintain their trust. But if someone doesn’t honour and respect you and your body, they’ll show you pepper.  

A Controlling Partner.

If someone is overly invested in who you talk to, how you dress, or where you go, then you might have to think twice about the relationship you are in. If someone wants to change you at every opportunity they get, then sis you might start packing your bags. 

A healthy relationship will let you be. It will give you space to be yourself without robbing you of your identity. The right partner will make sure you don’t lose yourself in them or the relationship. But a toxic one will make sure everything you do revolves around them.

Most of these controlling people are usually insecure and have deep-rooted issues and that’s why they project a lot of negative traits onto people. As Khalil Gibran says, “Love one another but make not a bond of love. Fill each other's cups but drink not from one cup. Let there be spaces in your togetherness.