A few weeks ago, we held a virtual bridal shower for a friend of a friend. In place of the drinking games was an older woman who had this long list of things that a woman should be and do to be desirable. Yawn.
At one point, she had our ribs cracking with the hot and cold towels bedroom prerequisites for married women. Have you heard this one? She also got me thinking about the pressure that’s been put on women. Every few hours, you will overhear someone giving advice or you will stumble upon yet another post with advice on how a woman should talk, act or carry herself.
This isn’t the issue. If all this ‘well-meaning’ advice was intended to make a woman a better version of herself so she can be more fulfilled, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Women are being bombarded with advice on how they can become better so that they can serve the people around them better.
She is told how to become better so she can nail a man, when she does this, there’s more advice on how to please his friends and then how to worm her way into her in-laws' hearts.
She is told how to become better so she can nail a man, when she does this, there’s more advice on how to please his friends and then how to worm her way into her in-laws' hearts.
What about the woman? Who is taking classes to make her happier? Looks like it’s time you began looking out for yourself, Hun. Here’s a look into ways that you can begin putting yourself first.
Don’t Give In To The Pressure
Kikuyus call their wives gikenia meaning something whose purpose is to please. This expectation that women should always be trying to get better not so they can be happier but so they can be more pleasing to those around them didn’t begin yesterday. It is thus safe to assume that society will not just ease off this pressure. What you can do is ignore it. Hear all these things they say about how you should be and then go on and be yourself.
Don’t Break Your Back
There is no one more stressed than a woman who is just about to meet his parents for the first time. She will be walking for hours all over River Road looking for that perfect Kitenge to please the future mother-in-law. When she is done, she will go on her Facebook page to ask about the dos and don’ts.
If this is you, stop. Stop breaking your back to please people. Even as you take in all that relationship advice. Remember that it takes two to tango. It’s not your sole responsibility to keep the relationship afloat.
Cut People Loose
You may not be able to change how people around you think or what they say to you, but you can always remove yourself from situations that are not building you.
That auntie who has been giving you grief for being childless because she believes that a full woman has a child, why do you keep going to her house? If you don’t like how someone makes you feel, stop spending time around them.