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Stop Bashing Women For Their Decisions

Because a one-size fits all approach doesn't work

BY Agnes Amondi

Apr 07, 2022, 09:42 AM

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If you happened to scroll through your Facebook feed on 20 September 2021, you might have seen a post about Gospel Singer Emmy Kosgei. She was not making the news because she had released another hit. No. She was in the news because she had to defend herself for not giving birth despite eight years of marriage.

Having gone through the comments on Facebook, most that yours truly read indicated that she shouldn’t feel pressured into getting pregnant just to check the societal box of “happily married with kids”. In the same vein, she was also encouraged not to defend herself or apologize for what is clearly, at least from her, a conscious decision. 

Here we are once again, a woman being scrutinized for not fulfilling what’s expected of them. And this goes on and on across most facets of her life. So carrying on the theme from this post, here is why you should never apologize for making sound decisions.

Do What’s Best For You

Yes! You can never fully please people. I’m dead sure that if she has a kid or two, people would still have something to say. You cannot allow people to draw deadlines for you. Not just in your marriage but in your entire life. Good on to those people who saw through this mockery, because that’s what it is, and encouraged her not to even defend herself. Just make your decisions and stand firm. Don’t explain anything to people who probably don’t care about you. Do your thing and let your actions speak for you. Period!

You Can’t Keep Up

This is just one of the biggest reasons why you should never bend to other people’s whims. You can’t keep it up. When you start apologizing, you’ll keep doing it and unnecessarily so. It will only drain you and leave you mentally fatigued. You will feel insufficient and not confident in your decisions. They will make you think that you are wrong. And you will try to do what they want and it will only end badly for you.    

It’s A Bait

What I mean here is that you shouldn’t allow these kinds of people to turn your life into a circus. Trust us. This is what they are after. They are forcefully throwing you into the limelight hoping that you will dance to their tune. And the next thing? You are the cast and they are literally spectators. Holding their breath ever so deeply that you not just stumble but fall and fall so hard. You will get the baby, they will approve of you but they won’t be with you when you have to deal with the realities of not just having a baby but also being a mum. Don’t give in! 

It’s No Competition

Guess what? No one is winning an Oscar or whatever prize there is for giving birth to twins or however many numbers of babies you want. You have to know that having a child is a life-changing decision. You will have your amazing photo shoots and rise in social media followers but guess what, those fancy perks do not tell the reality of motherhood. Take your time and only take that decision when you are ready or better yet sure that this is a decision you want to make. 

Who Cares?

Seriously! Who cares? It's literally your life. No one really cares. Everyone is so sucked up in their own internal drama that they don’t have time to accommodate other people’s baggage.
In the comments, people were asking this. Why would anyone take time to talk about other people’s private lives? Why does it bother them? You know, someone said that most probably, people who love digging dirt on others are highly insecure about themselves. They have nothing good or is it pleasing to tell or show about themselves thus prying on others to cover up themselves. So don’t bother about such. 

Live By Your Own Rules

I am sure I am not the only one who has planned out their life to the T. As much as they say you should lower your expectations to prevent disappointments, at times its good to figure out where and what you want in life 10 years from now, if God wills it. So, if a baby is not in that 10 year plan because you feel it is not yet time, then go with that. Do not let societal pressures get to you and change that because you don't want to be the talk of the town or your circle. It takes a lot to take care of a baby and it is sometimes scary knowing that that tiny little person completely depends on you for everything and is looking up to you to provide everything that he or she will need for more than 18 years of their life or even for the rest of their life. Just take your time and stick to your plan. Just like we established, no one cares?