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Should I Give My Broke Boyfriend Money?

Ask Sheila: He wants a loan to start a business


May 22, 2023, 08:43 AM

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Dear Sheila,

I’m a 31-year-old financially stable woman. I’m not from a rich family but I started a business when I was 21 and God has been good to me.

That is not the problem. After dating so many good-for-nothing men, I met a man a year ago. He is kind, he compliments me all the time and he is great in bed. I know he loves me dearly. The problem is that he has a job but he earns much less than my business makes.

From the beginning of our relationship, I have chipped in to pay bills here and there for him. He was still living with his parents when we met and six months ago, at his request, I paid for him to move to his own house.

Now he is saying that he is frustrated at work and wants to quit to start a business. He’s written a financial plan and I think it could work. He wants me to take a loan from him from my SACCO to start this business. My friends tell me it will end in tears. That I will build him and then he will leave me for another woman. What should I do?

Desperate Woman.

Dear Desperate Woman,

I do not know where to start. First, you can’t build a man, not one who doesn’t want to be built. And even if you could, that is not your job. A self-made businesswoman like you should easily understand this.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the money. From paying the rent to footing the bills of a man who has not committed to you, you sure are a very generous woman.

This man you are dating doesn’t seem to have a problem riding on a woman’s back. This is unlikely to change. You need to be okay with this. And don’t even for a  second think that giving him money now will guarantee a future with him, that once he gets money he will remember you. Most people don’t.

If you must take a loan for a boyfriend, do it as a business partner, not a bedmate. Draw up the legal documents and follow up to see that repayments are made as promised.

Honestly, though, you would be better off supporting him in other ways like sharing your business acumen and ideas. Otherwise, your friends are right, there will be tears. And your man will not be the one bawling his eyes out.

Yours Sincerely,


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