Since time immemorial women have always been pushed further and further from themselves, society sidelining them only to take care of the household.

Even though things have changed, and a woman can have it all including a career, and family, we are always reminded to tone down, shrink ourselves, and talk in whispers so we don’t sound aggressive or rude. Women shouldn’t do that.

We are reminded to be obedient and submissive and to take care of everyone but who takes care of us? Who loves the lover, stands by her side, fixes her crown, and gives her strength when she is slowly shutting down? 

Well, here are a few reminders you need to hear today. 

I came across this quote that read, if you are asked to name the things you love, how long would it take to call yourself? I thought hard about it and the truth is, we would give a long list before we finally remember to name ourselves. 

Women are known to be carers, protectors, nurtures, and selfless and while all these are amazing qualities, sometimes they can force us to give the best parts of ourselves while we feast on the leftovers. Or even keep giving and giving until we have nothing more to give.

We often prioritise other people and forget that we matter too. Loving yourself or putting yourself first doesn’t mean you are selfish, but that you love yourself enough to love and take care of other people too. 

It is pretty normal for life to get overwhelming as we try to make sure the bills are paid, the kids do their homework, and the house help doesn’t disappear to Webuye abruptly. We barely have a minute to rest, unwind or recharge. 

We have been taught that black girls must die exhausted. We must drive ourselves crazy trying to fix everything or else become failures but every day, we are reminded to disconnect ourselves from everything. To sit still without doing anything or worrying about someone. To meditate, enjoy the sunset, and most importantly, drink water. 

When the normal question pops up, what are you doing this weekend or evening, it’s okay to say you are spending time with and for yourself without necessarily giving any excuse or feeling guilty. 

Sometimes we try so hard to be in control of every situation in life. We want things to be perfect and run smoothly. Unfortunately, what we forget often is that we are never in control. Some things are out of our reach and the best we can do is sit still, let go and have a banana.

In Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert says:

“Letting go is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on top of it which we personally turn and that if we are to drop this handle even for a moment, well – that would be the end of the universe but try dropping its groceries. 

"This is the message I’m getting. Sit quietly for now and cease your relentless participation. Watch what happens. The birds do not crash dead out of the sky in mid-flight, after all. The trees do not wither and die, the rivers do not run red with blood. Life continues to go on.”

Most times, we are told to stay small and be humble enough so that we don’t annoy other people or make them uncomfortable. We are told to dim our light and walk on eggshells, whether this is in workplaces or relationships. 

A woman shouldn’t be this, a woman shouldn’t be that, you’ll hear some people say. People have opinions of who we should be and what we shouldn’t do but every day is a reminder to stay loyal to ourselves. 

To turn our lights all the way up such that whoever feels threatened by our authenticity, flees away. You will never be too much or not enough for the people worthy of experiencing the fullest expression of you. 

How many times do we try to prove ourselves to our bosses that we are good enough for the job or to our partners, that we are worthy to be loved and treated like queens?

Often, when people don’t see our worth, we think it has something to do with us. We think we are not talented or beautiful or smart enough. We have been taught to internalize rejection instead of accepting we are enough as we are, even as we aspire to become more. 

We are always encouraged to do more while the bitter truth is that breaking ourselves into two won’t make the other party see us for who we are. You will bloom no matter who does or doesn’t see you.