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The Big Butt: Much Ado About Nothing?

Living at a time when all that matters is how you look

BY Pauline Katethya

Apr 07, 2022, 05:23 PM

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If you are new in town and are wondering about what's in and what's out, here is the rundown. You are not part of the IT crowd if you don't have a big butt, loop earrings and fake eyelashes.

I’m not sure how people survive with fake eyelashes. I pluck mine all the time especially when I’m bored or stressed. Wait, I think it’s a family thing. My sister used to pluck hers as part of the guesswork in school. If she plucked one the answer was A, two then B, more than four? I wish she was here to answer that. So you can imagine how embarrassed It would be if I pluck them out on a date. In addition to that, my clumsy trait may be me accidentally putting the glue in my eyes. So, let me stick to the natural eyelashes for now.

“What do you mean by big bums? Molly asks cracking up.

“Everyone nowadays seemingly has a big bum and if it's not big, it’s somewhere close to that. Even those with a small one make it appear big. It’s almost as if people go somewhere and buy one. If you are a man, you need four eyes in town so you don't miss out on any.”

“Is it that serious?” She asks bursting into laughter.

“Yeah, it is. You should walk around town and see these ladies. The way some walk…It’s like the big booty comes with a funny walking style to allow for more than just noticing it. Some walk as if they want to leave it behind. Others, you’d mistakenly think its work is to vibrate because of all the vigorous shaking. Then for a discount; they are offered an extremely ugly attitude and a repulsive dress code. Some walk without undies”

“Oh my goodness! Am dying of laughter right now! I guess I’m missing out on a lot of things. But the undies thingy…why would a lady walk without one?”

“I don't even know. And yeah, you are missing out on a lot. Nowadays, I don’t even stare at ass anymore. I think I have seen enough to last me a lifetime. But I bet dudes can never have enough of that”.

“They can’t. You know they are walking hormones and visual creatures too, so…I don’t know why people are obsessed with a big behind anyway! Most girls workout to tone and shape their ass, most dudes want ladies with a big bum and they seemingly get a lot of likes, followers and attract a lot of attention.”

“Yeah, it’s like this is the coolest thing in town.”

"True. You are saying you don’t look at ass anymore? The man in you will slowly die”

“I doubt if he can. I’ll be giving him a sneak peek once in a while.”

(Trust me you wouldn’t want to hear the rest of the conversation)

Anyway, in Nairobi, bums are overrated. Ladies who know that their ass can be looked at twice, irrespective of how small it is, will walk with their head held high as if they have won a jackpot. You would even think they breathe flavored oxygen. What’s the big deal about having a big behind anyway? Don’t they all perform the same function irrespective of their size?

Society has made it seem as if ladies need to have a small waist, a small stomach, and a big booty. Honestly, people have lost the idea of beauty. These days, beauty is all about physical appearance, make-up, the style, the shoes, the hair, you name it. But is that the real definition of beauty?

In 2009, the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery revealed that there were more than 5,000 legal buttock lift and implant procedures carried out. The number of illegal treatments? Not yet known.

In Kenya, ladies have gone to an extent of taking pills, applying butt enlargement oils, going for surgery, using ARVs, wearing silicone butts, eating fatty foods, and taking poultry feeds! Celebrities are most especially notorious for this. Actually, rumor has it that Tanasha Donna has undergone body reconstruction to give her a bigger booty. But those are just rumors, and the thing about rumors is, they stick. Imagine going through all that for a big bum or a curvy body. Do they consider how harmful some practices could affect their health? I doubt.

Is the problem peer pressure? The need to be like other people? The trends? Low self-esteem or is it because ladies are getting loads of pressure from men? I believe that our lives don’t have to revolve around behinds. There is more to life than that. I am tired of seeing such ladies staggering in town and boasting like the fattened cows of Bashan. I know we always want to look good and glamorous but some things are just too much.

A big booty can attract a man but it can’t make him stay. If a man decides to cheat, he will go ahead and do it irrespective of your behind. If he decides to dump you, he will do exactly that. If he loved you because you were all curvy on the right parts of your body, the next time he sees a lady that is more appealing to the eyes, he will be on his feet ready for the chase again.

I think we don’t have to obsess about big behinds that much. It’s time we started re-learning what beauty is and giving a priority to things that deserve to be prioritized. Some ladies need to start focusing on important issues in life, like being smart, strong, thoughtful, prayerful, kind, considerate, and being intelligent rather than being attractive, pretty, and purposeless.

Lastly, beauty is beyond the skin, clothes, and physical appearance. Beauty comes from within you. Society judges people according to how attractive or beautiful they are when in reality, it’s the heart that determines how beautiful or ugly we are. And no matter what you can’t sugarcoat or makeup your heart to make it more beautiful and pleasing.

It’s not the size of the behind that matters, but the size of the heart. To those ladies who walk as if they are the first ones to have a big bum, sit down, be humble. You are neither the first nor will you be the last. Also, it is never that serious.

Read: It's Time We Stopped Shaming Plus Size Women